Motherhood seems to me, for a large part, to be about questioning my own abilities and decisions. Focusing on my flaws, then kicking myself while I’m down by comparing myself to other seemingly flawless individuals who have it all right, more or less. But yeah, I know some amazing mamas. They have it all together.
They work longer hours than me. Some of them work nights. Two jobs. And their kids are well presented, well mannered and happy little things. Some of them are stay at home mamas, meaning they get to be there for their kids every time they need them. Whatever it is they’re doing, they’re doing it better than me.
And then, out of nowhere, one of my closest friends, ‘L’ (one of those amazing mamas- so much fun, full of fab ideas, completely cool and has raised totally balanced kids with unique and engaging personalities) told me she was talking to another gorgeous girl ‘R’ who rocks motherhood. About me. They nicknamed me mother earth. After I laughed heartily (hysterically) for several minutes, I asked why. Turns out, that they, like me, see those few minutes of the day at the school gates, where it all comes together. This, they decided, was evidence that I have motherhood down.
Of course, L knows me well enough to realise that this is not the case at all! She knows I’m crap at reminding the kids to do their homework. She knows that some mornings, I melt down because somebody’s PE shorts are missing and I was too tired last night to even entertain looking for them. She knows that I sometimes give in to the demands for just one more chocolate, five more minutes screen time, just for an easy life. She’s counselled me through parenting disasters, having already been there herself.
Now, we read all the time the calls for us not to compare ourselves, especially given the perfect social media presences that everyone has. I think what we also need to do is to remember to be honest with each other. We just all feel better when we do. Lets cheer each other on, and tell each other how great a job we are doing. Lets admit that some mornings, we melt down. Some evenings we throw junk food at the kids and then retreat to a quiet spot for some much-needed solitude. Lets admit, you know, sometimes our kids are little horrors. Sometimes we are big horrors. But we are trying. We have each other’s backs. We’re in it together.
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